Since having my daughter and becoming a stay-at-home, one thing I have learned is that I very strongly dislike people asking me "so what do you do all day?" ~
When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries and questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
I'm sorry, I can't always tell you exactly what I do all day. What I can tell you is that I was busy all day. I might not have sat down much. There's a chance that I didn't shower or brush my teeth before noon. I can also tell you that no matter how much I did, I still feel like there was more I should have or could have done. And something that I thought I did today might have actually been yesterday, or last week, I can't really remember.
~So, tonight I found a column from a writer for the Washington Post on the blog Leaning In. To summarize, a woman had written in to this columnist wondering why her stay-at-home mom friends didn't have time to call her. Note: the woman writing in does not have kids, but does work full time, so she doesn't understand how a stay-at-home could be any busier than what she is.
~Here's a portion of what the columnist (Carolyn Hax) had to say:
When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries and questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
~
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15. It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier. It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family members and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting the constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense. It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity, empathy.
~It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15. It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier. It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family members and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting the constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense. It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity, empathy.
Everything.
~
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy — and then when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, you wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend — a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends or marvel at how much more productively she uses her time.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy — and then when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, you wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend — a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends or marvel at how much more productively she uses her time.
~
Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.
Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.
~
Well said, Carolyn!
Well said, Carolyn!
